Dankelkammer
I FOUND YOUR LETTER AT THE SHELF, THE NIGHT WE STAYED TOGETHER BEFORE YOU GOT ON THAT HORRIBLE, DANGEROUS AND HAZARDOUS FLIGHT ..I REMEMBERED YOU TRIED TO CALL ME BUT I WAS UNDER THE SHOWER, I WAS HUMMING A NIRVANA ’SONG “ABOUT A GIRL”COMPLETELY IN IPER-VENTILATION, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS YOU WOULD HAVE REACHED ME AGAIN AND SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH ME ON THE ROOF TALKING FOR HOURS ABOUT THAT TREMENDOUS GREEN TEA WE TASTED IN CHINATOWN. WE WERE IN SOHO, LOOKING AT CARNABY STREET FULL OF CHINESE LANTERNS,A SLIGHT SOFT WHIPED CREAM AT THE TOP OF MY YOGURT FINISHED ON MY LIPS AND YOU BITE THEM ,WELL (LAUGHING EMBArRASSED ) ..YOU BITE MY LIPS TO TASTE ME, IMPRISONING ME IN A KISS WHICH MELTED THE MOST ICED CORNERS OF MY HEART AND THE BENCH AT NOTHING HILL’S GARDEN WHERE WE EXPLORED EACH OTHER, I STILL FOUND REALLY DIFFICULT TO FIGURE OUT YOU BROUGHT ME AT THE EAST SIDE OF THE RIVER IN BROOKLYN IN JUST ONE DAY, WITH THOSE GROCERY BAGS SMELLING LIKE FISH, IT TURNS OUT THAT YOUR STUDIO WAS NEXT TO THE CAFE’DUKE, THOSE SNAIL STAIRWAYS REMINDED ME OF A OLD FASHIONED FACTORY’S GIRL’S REFUGE OF MISHOGENIC ARTISTS BUT THEN, THE OPEN SPACE,These units range from 260- to 360-square-feet and feature big windows, lots of storage, kitchenettes, and balconies.THE LIVING ROOM SO MINIMAL AND SOPHISTICATED WITH THE LINEUM SOFA AND GUESS WHAT ..THE ENORMOUS GLASSED WINDOW IN WHICH I SAW REFLECTED MYSELF AND THE MURBLE FURNITURE AT THE BACK INCLUDING THE PIANO BAR AND YOU AT MY BACK, SURROUNDING MY PELVIS WITH YOUR STRAPPING ARMS. (THE GESTURE OF TOUCHING HER WAISTS) SURROUNDING MY HIPS AND THEN THE CURVES,CARESSING THE SKIN AROUND MY SPINAL COLUMN AND TRYING EVERY
TIME TO CONVINCE ME TO EAT MORE CAUSE YOU COULD SENSITIVELY DETERMINED THE SHARPENED AND PROTRUDING BONES DECORATING THE REST OF MY SCAPULA.HOW MANY TIME DID YOU ASK ME TO GET NAKED IN FRONT OF YOU,? WHILE YOU WERE CONSUMING THE LAST CIGARETTES OF THAT DAILY PACKAGE SITTING AT THE STAIRS CLOSED TO THE HALL DOOR AND JUDGING ME SEVERELY, WITHA N INTIMIDATING GAZE, CROSSING THROUGH MY EYES SUCH AS THE LENSES OF YOUR ALEXA CAMERA,BUT INTIMATELY GETTING CLOSER THEN TO ME WITH YOUR BODY AND LETTING THE BATHROBE SLIDING DOWN THE FLOOR,SO THAT I COULD GENUINELY GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR DIRECT NUDITY ,GETTING RID OF THA LACED BRA WHICH YOU ELEGANTLY AND RITUALLY RIPPED OUT,EACH SECONDS BEFORE I FOUND MYSELF CARRIED,RASIED AND BROUGHT TO BED. SINCE THAT MOMENT YOU KNEW THAT I COULDN’T REMAIN UNTANGLED IN YOUR PRECIOUS TOWER, EVEN THOUGH OUR DREAMS PERFECTLY COINCIDED, WE WEREN’T EXACTLY THE PERFECT REPRESENTATION OF LONG-TERMED COUPLE BUT THEN YOU WHISPERED TO ME AT THE RIGHT EAR THAT “WE WRE ETERNAL “ ..THEN IT MIGHT COME DOWN INTO THE FACT THAT YOU OWNED ME AN EXPLANATION,(NOW SHOWING TEARS) WHY DIDN’T YOU RESIST AT THAT FLIGHT’S CRASH? WHY DID YOU DECIDE NOT TO BE ETERNAL WITH ME? YOU AND YOUR FASTIDIOUS ALL KNOWING INSIDERS WINKING EXPRESSION, WITH YOUR RADIATING GIGGLING LINES ,YOUR STYLISH UNUSUAL PUNK ANARCHIC CHOICE OF CLOTHES, THAT RIDICOULOS EVEN WHEN SEDUCING WAY OF PROTECTING ME BY GETTING RID OF IGNORANT COMPETITORS ..YOU SHOULD KNOW,FROM NOW ON,THE REASON WHICH KEPT ME ALIVE IS THAT YOU WOULD NEVER ACCEPTED MY DEATH WITHOUT MY SUCCESS AND I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT ME THERE WITH A PROMISE OF UNREALISED, TRULY, AMBITIOUS, NEVER-ENDING, UNCONDITIONAL, UNSOLVED REAL DESPERATE, ENVIABLE, immeasurable,UNLIMITED, LIMITLESS, SIGHTLESS, UNBREAKABLE LOVE FOR WHATSOEVER WE WERE, WE REMAINED BEFORE THAT PLANE’S CRASH, AND I MYSELF PROMISE YOU “I WILL MAKE MY DREAM, UNDER YOUR NAME, COME TRUE”, READY TO MAKE UP WITHOUT THE BREAKFAST AT BED AT THE 6:30 IN THE MORNING BEFORE YOU ENTERED AT YOUR ANIMATION STUDIO, READY TO RENOUNCE AT YOUR ORDINARY AND WARMING CUDDLE AFTER A DAY SPENT TO SCREAM AT THE REST OF THE CREW..THEY TOLD ME I WOULD HAVE STOPPED THINKING ABOUT YOUR STUPID LETTER WHERE YOU INVITED ME TO CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAYS TOGETHER, BUT I CAN TELL YOU IT’S IRRITATING.. (CRYING) IT’S IRRITATING BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS INVITED ME TO GO OUT FOR DATES, FOR OUR PROJECTS, FOR AN OFFICIAL BLIND APPOINTMENT BUT NEVER TO CELEBRATE THE DAY WE BORN.YOU ALWAYS SAID SARCASTICALLY “THE DAY WE BORN, WE DIE” THEN WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAYS IN AUGUST? BECAUSE YOU THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BAPTISED THE FACT THAT WE ARE FINALLY, OFFICIALLY ENGAGED AND MADE OF MANNERISM,CONFORMISM, PATIENCE,CONVIVIALITY ..AHAHAHAH (TEARS AND FORCED SMILE) THAT LETTER IS FULL OF CRAPS, YOU KNOW WHAT’S REAL..THAT NP MATTER WHAT WE DO, HOW MUCH WE WANTED TO SEPARATE AND HOW MUCH WE WANTED TO HATE EACH OTHER AND NOT TO TALK ABOUT LIFE AND MARRIAGE AND SALVATION, WE ALWAYS DID..WE DID BECAUSE ME AND YOU ARE BROTHERS, ARE HUMAN INSIDE AND WE WERE AN OUTSTANDINGLY AMASING COUPLE …AND I FELT HONOURED TO LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE IN THIS PLANET. I WOULD SINCERELY STARTED BELIEVING IN REINCARNATION FOR YOU JUST TO GET YOU BEFORE YOU TOOK THA T DAMNED FLIGHT BUT I KNOW THAT YOU WERE HOLDING THE PHOTOS I TOOK WHILE YOU WERE ON BOARD, IT MUST HAVE BEEN TO BE HARD FOR A MAN LIKE YOU APPROACHING A COMPLICATED GIRL LIKE ME BUT I NEVER FELT I WAS LACKING IN SOMETHING WITH YOU. YOU LET ME NO CHOICE THAN TRUSTING THE REST OF THE CREW FOR THIS SUMMER AT THE PREMIERE, YOU ASKED NOT TO BE RECKLESS WITHOUT YOU, I CANNOT PROMISE I WOULD NOT HAVE DAYS IN WHICH I WILL FIGURE OUT TO KILL MYSELF ……(CRYING NOISILY, THE THROAT IS CHOCKED) GOD DAMMIT, I DON’T HAVE A PERSONAL JESUS WHO CAN GIVE ME HOPE FOR YOU, BUT ONLY WITH THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND YOU IN MY MEMORIES, I WILL REMAIN STRONG FOR BOTH OF US, THIS IS MUCH I LOVE YOU, AND AS AN ANARCHIC GIRL …THIS IS AN ACT THAT I DEVOLVE COMPLETELY TO YOU, BUT NOT YOUR FUCKING PRETENTIOUS EGOCENTRIC AND narcissist. LETTER , I’M WEARING OUR RING, IT SINGULARLY SUITS ME ….YEAH I CAN FEEL THE WEIGHT OF YOUR RING SUCH AS THE WEIGHT IN MY STERNUM WITHOUT BEING EMBRACED BY YOU IN THE NIGHT, BUT WHEN I WILL FALL ASLEEP,A PART OF ME KNOW THAT I WILL BE REUNITED WITH YOU ,IN THE END LIFE IS ALL ABOUT PROSPECTIVE,ANGLES…
